Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
