why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
