the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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