Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
