It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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