Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
