You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
