sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
