my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My balls are so social today.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
