Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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