You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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