I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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