And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
