hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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