If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
