So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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