I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
