Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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