Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
this hospital has no fireball
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
