My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
