Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
