...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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