New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
