i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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