textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
