Where is the hickey?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
