i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
