Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I deserve this hangover.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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