my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
