pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
as a side note pls kill me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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