Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
