he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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