I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
