a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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