I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
