when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
