Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it hurts more in the daytime
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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