she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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