so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
