The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
