last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
