he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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