Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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