1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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