I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
