I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wear drunk well.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
