Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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