Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
