So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
