I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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