I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
