I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
